You said, “I wish I could find a man to love me like you love her!”
I was changing her clothing after an accident.
The kind of accident that happens with dementia patients in assisted living.
For two years I stayed with her, changed her diapers, and showered her.
When we first came to the facility, she could dance to the music.
Then she started falling, losing her balance, and then breaking her pelvis.
I hoped she could recover, but I knew better—she never walked alone again.
Stuck in a wheelchair, she depended on me, our daughter, and the aides,
for every function of life.
For the last few months we had to feed her, because she could not feed herself.
Now you say, “She’s dead. Get over it. It’s in the past. Look to the future.”
As if you think I don’t know. I held her hand as she died.
For almost fifty years we lived and loved together. Those memories will always be with me.
Memories are all I have left. I will die someday, and her memory will not be gone, even then.
She trusted me. She knew I would never lie or cheat.
Honesty and trust are essential if a relationship is going to last.
I miss her. I miss our belief in each other. No one can take that away.
I am still that man whose love you so wished for. But you must believe in yourself enough to take it.
You are worth it, but you don’t believe it yet.
You cling to me out of fear I will leave. You push me away because you believe you don’t deserve me.
My heart is breaking as I see the fear and doubt that keep getting in the way of our love.
Sometimes the pain is almost too much to bear. I still search for ways to convince you that I love you.
But sometimes it seems the harder I try, the worse it gets.
The more I love you, the more afraid you become that you will lose me.
I will never lie to you. I will never use physical force to make you change.
I am running out of options, and I’m desperately looking for solutions.
I still love you, even as it causes me such pain.
I want to be the man that loves you like I loved her.
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