I am Don

Today, as I always do, I went to visit Carolyn at Featherstone Assisted Living. It was about 2:00 in the afternoon. When I went to her room, she was not there, and the bed was not made. I left her room and went to the dining room, where I found her, sitting at a table by herself, elbows on the table and her face in her hands. Her lunch was still on the table, uneaten and cold.

I sat down next to her in another chair. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she looked up at me.

I asked, “Are you sad? Are you feeling bad?”

She was silent for a long time, trying to find the words, which don’t come easily any more. A tear slowly slid down my cheek. She saw it and wiped it with her finger.

“I told Don……he’s……where…..I don’t like her.”

Now what? I don’t understand what she is trying to tell me, but I can feel the anger in her voice. That scares me. Before she came here she was in a paranoid rage, convinced that I had raped her when she was a young girl. That was many years before I knew her

I can live with being just the nice man that brings her candy and visits her every day, but I want her happy and content, not angry. 

I read all the information I can find on dealing with Alzheimer’s, but most of the advice seems too generic. I know you can’t force them to remember what they have forgotten. It just isn’t in there anymore. But today, I am going to try a new tack. 

“I know you don't remember me, but I need you to trust me, OK?”

I take both of her hands, and look into her eyes. She nods yes.

“I am Don. I still love you. Today I want you to know just that.”

She squeezes my hands. A tear rolls down her cheek, and I wipe it off.

“…..Love you.” she says.

Sometimes I am sure she feels the loss as I do, and we both share the grief together.

“Let’s go back to your room and sit on the couch, OK?”

I gently lead her back to her room, and we sit together on the couch. She nestles against my shoulder and we just enjoy the time together for over half an hour. She soon is sleeping, and I’m just hoping I’ve done the right thing.

I’m just playing this by ear. Living in the moment, not worrying about the past, or dreading the future. Right now all is fine with the world.

There comes a loud knocking at the door. It is the nurse with Carolyn’s afternoon pill. I holler at her to come on in, and I wake Carolyn up to take her pill. She slowly takes the pill in her mouth, and I have to prompt her to wash it down with the glass of water. 

I thank the nurse as she leaves, and I tell Carolyn I have to be going, because I’ve got clothes in the washer at home. 

I go across the room and pull up her covers to make the bed look sorta made, and then come back and kiss her, and tell her I love her, and I’ll be back tomorrow. She smiles happily, and I close the door behind me.

This day….this moment….I feel the sunshine as I walk outside.