Last night my wife fell again. She had been hiking around the halls, searching for something that she can’t find, anxious and maybe afraid to sleep. I don’t know what delusions she sees at night, but she seems unable to relax and sleep most nights.
The floor rose up and struck her square on the left eye, leaving a shiner worthy of a boxer who forgot to duck. The staff at Featherstone called a nurse in from Guardian Hospice, and I arrived just as they were tucking Carolyn into bed. She was still trying to get back up, so I think they were glad to leave her in my care.
She called me by name, and hugged me, and told me how relieved she was that I had come. Last month, before the wine, I would have had to tell her who I was, and she still might have looked quizzical.
I put a cold wet washcloth folded up on her eye which was swelling rapidly. I was sure it would be closed completely by morning if I didn’t do something. In a half hour the swelling was much reduced, and I did some simple tests to make sure both eyes were working together, both pupils were equal and reacting to light, and she was focussing on me with no trouble at all.
Soon the nurse from Guardian walked in and asked Carolyn how she was feeling, took her blood pressure, oxygen saturation and heart rate, and wrote it down in her note pad. She asked me how Carolyn’s dementia status was changing, so I told her we had seen major changes in the last few days, as I had been sharing about 4 - 6 oz of wine each evening with her. As I started to explain how much better her cognitive awareness has gotten, she cut in with the fact that she didn’t believe in any drinking because some people get into trouble with too much, and she didn’t drink at all.
She went on to tell me that some nursing homes don’t allow alcohol on the premises with out a doctor’s OK to make sure that it won’t interact with her other medications. She had a point there, but she didn’t offer to clear it with the doctor, either.
Well, I guess her personal beliefs are OK for her, but it ignores the fact that I am doing the dosing, and too much isn’t a factor. She asked no questions about how Carolyn’s cognitive awareness had increased, or what other effects the wine might have had. Her focus had switched from the patient to her self and her disapproval.
I quickly brought up my last blog post on the effects of wine on her sexuality on my cell phone, and she said she didn’t spend any time on social networks, either. I explained that this was my logbook for the changes I see in Carolyn day by day, and it would explain what results we have seen in the last few days.
She took my phone and read the story. I actually tried to put in a little humor as I wrote, but she did not smile. When she finished, she handed the phone back and went into a short lecture on her experience with dementia patients, and how Carolyn was a terminally ill person.
She was sitting at Carolyn’s feet, and talking in a voice loud enough for Carolyn to hear. Carolyn made a loud noise, of which the words were indistinct, “Unnngghh!” but the attitude was unmistakable. She was obviously completely aware and processing what she heard, and not happy at all. Since we started the wine at night, she has become very aware that she has dementia, and it makes her sad. Last night I found it seems to make her mad when people talk about it in front of her.
I thought they taught medical professionals that you don’t talk about the patient in front of the patient, assuming they can’t hear. It was as if she had forgotten that Carolyn was still in the room with us. She didn’t stop and acknowledge or apologize, either.
I would like to find a professional person who can discuss without embarrassment sexual relations at seventy plus years. I would like to find someone who knows something about the effects of alcohol on dementia. I already have found for myself that the alcohol has a far greater effect than expensive drugs like Nemenda and Aricept. I don’t know how long, if ever, until I find such a person.
But I think I found the Church Lady.
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